Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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