Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
