So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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