Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize