i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
