I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Randomize
