i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
