Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
