it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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