Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
