eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
