He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
