his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
