She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize