Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
