I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
