I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
