Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
