I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
