Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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