It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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