i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
