I wanna bring you to show and tell
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
