So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
