A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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