I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
