I could make wine with my vomit
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
