I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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