I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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