Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
