i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
