I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
