When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
