your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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