I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
