is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
why do cheetos always look like penises
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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