i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm always down for nudity.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
