fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
