There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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