So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
