So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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