i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize