Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
