Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
