I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
