I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Send help, water and tortillas.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
