apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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