Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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