it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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