I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
