Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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