I accidentally burped into my bong.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
