Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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