dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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