nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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