I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
