I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
