I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There r osticjed everywhere
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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