A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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