hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
