I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
