The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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