I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize