I love black thongs
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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