flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
