that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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