I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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