oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize