? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
