I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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