it was like his penis was on wheels.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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